Carla S.

Carla S.

from KS
Story #232
Hello,I am Carla. If sharing my testimony can help lead some one to the Lord, then I have done God’s Will, that’s why I share my testimony. As a young child I was sexually abused by an uncle and from what I can remember that started at age five until I was 17. During that time I was never allowed to tell, let alone talk about it, you see my TRUSTED Uncle threatened that if I told anyone he will harm my parents, his brother. So being scared for my parents I never told ANYONE until I was approximately 25 years of age. I had married by that time and our relationship was destroyed by intimacy that I could not handle. Then when I finally told, no one believed me, I was told
he couldn’t have or would have never done such a thing. But then he confessed, so only then was I believed. I felt shameful, useless, powerless, angry and very hurt. Anyway, before that I was raised in the church, but while attending I never felt close to God or really listened to His word. I knew of God, I just didn’t know God, why you ask, because I was angry with Him. I always asked why this was happening to me. I even told God that I hated him for allowing this to happen. But I didn’t understand at that time, He didn’t do this, sin did this. It was from the abusers sin that this happened. My parents moved us from a small town the second half of my junior year of high school up here to Olathe. I became very angry and rebellious for losing my friends, so needless to say I started doing things MY way, I stopped attending church, going places I shouldn’t have, doing things I never thought I would have done. But I never thought of it as being "you know what my parents actually did me a favor without even knowing it" they took me away from my abuser. At age 18 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Stephanie out of wed lock, see I was trying to find love because I never felt love except from my parents and siblings, but did not find it, that man left me to raise my daughter on my own. So I was left to reach out to my parents for help, but why should they help me, I was not the child that obeyed them very well. But being the loving parents they are they helped me when then didn’t have to. I tried dating again, but never had great relationships with any of them. But then I met a man I just knew was for me. He treated me like I thought a lady should be treated. I was falling in love, but with in a few short months the physical abuse started, I endured this for approximately a year and a half because I loved him so much, until the day he was literally choking the life out me. I again asked God why won't you stop this. I came to a point that I wanted to take my own life, I tried but failed, why because I heard this voice saying Carla come home, you need to come home. I know this was God telling me to turn my life over to Him. I began searching for the right church when I found Lenexa Baptist Church. I attended for a few months with my grandsons and began hearing things that Pastor Steve Dighton was preaching from the Bible, those words began tugging at my heart. I was hearing how trusting in Jesus would turn my life around. I was like yeah RIGHT! About month later I received a visit from Pastor Steve, Jeff Goss and Susan Reed. I invited them in to my apartment where we talked for awhile. I told them about my life and the struggles I endured. Pastor Steve asked if I had my salvation, I quickly said No. He explained to me through the Bible that I was a sinner and that Christ died on the Cross and took the penalty for my sin and paid the price so that I could have a relationship with Him. But I needed to personally accept Christ's payment for my sins. That night I prayed and asked God to forgive me, I repented/turned from my sins, I accepted Christ's payment....my life changed and he became boss of my life. Since then I have never been the same, I started attending church on a regular basis, I became involved with different ministries with in the church. I have been living for HIM instead of for me. I was baptized on Mothers day May, 2003. I led my Grandson Hunter to his salvation at age six and then through Hunter he led Kalob to his salvation. Our motto has been and always will be "Always on a Mission for the Lord". One of my favorite verses that I cling to is from Jeremiah 29:11" For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not to harm you, but give hope and a future". Now that I KNOW God, I do have hope for a future.. One year ago I began attending a Christian based group called Celebrate Recovery at our church where ANYONE can come and share their hurts,habits and hangups confidentially. This group is not just for someone struggling with an addiction such as alcohol or drugs, it's also for people struggling from the hurts,habits or hangups they've endured from abuse,low self esteem, depression, divorce. The list goes on and on but we are for everyone. We start by worshiping the Lord, listen to testimonies and lessons,then break out into same gender small groups. Through CR I have learned to heal from my hurts,habits or hangups I've had. Through my struggles in life have,,,well they have only made me stronger. Through Christ I CAN do anything. Thank you for letting share my testimony.