Abbi Z.

Abbi Z.

from KS
Story #322
Hey. I am Abbi and this is my story. I grew up in the church and my parents are both very strong in their faith. I accepted Christ at a young age and got baptized right away. Flash forward to middle school and I started getting bullied a lot and didn't really know how to deal with it. Towards the end of 7th grade fell into a deep depression and began having severe social anxiety. It wasn't until 8th grade though when I started self harming and almost completely quit going to school. In September of 2013 I attempted suicide for what would be the 1st time. I ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped and then to the psychiatric hospital. After being in and out of the psych hospital for about a year the doctors decided I would be best in a psychiatric residential treatment facility (prtf) so I spent about 4 1/2 months in Kids TLC between my 8th grade and freshman year. When I got out I felt so much better and I thought everything out be okay. Then my freshman year started and my depression got worse. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and eventually started doing drugs, partying, sneaking out almost every night, and having sex. In November 2014 (sophomore year) I found out I was pregnant. I was 15. My family didn't take it well and some even stopped talking to me. My parents in an attempt to get away from it and not have to deal with the situation sent me to a maternity home in Hays, KS. I felt abandoned, ashamed, unloved, worthless, and like I was a burden on everyone. But there was nothing I could do about it. I knew from the start I was keeping my baby and that adoption wasn't an option. I fell in love with my child even as a child myself. Flash forward another 9 months and its August 8th, 2015. At 4:11 pm weighing 7lbs 1oz and measuring 21 1/2 inches my son Corbin Allen was born. He is the love of my life and I wouldn't trade him for anything. Keep in mind I am going back to church at this point but I was still thinking and doing things I shouldn't be. I wasn't in my word and was a completely different person away from Church. I still felt mad at God for letting me go through everything I had. Its June now. Camp Revolution is this week and I am excited to go with my church friends. I am excited for recreation and getting away from everything (all tho I am going to miss my son like crazy) I wasn't excited for worship or Anything but Ordinary speaking to us... That was just a thing I had to do. Little did I know what God had in store for me. He gave me the opportunity to pray with one of my dear friends and our youth pastor's wife and gave me a sense of peace in my soul that I had never felt before. I got to use my gift of encouragement on so many people that I had just met that week and even one of my most precious friends that is going through a similar struggle with depression as I did. I got pray with a boy from a different church who I just met that day there was struggling with drug abuse and lust. I have never been happier than I am today. I felt like God could never use me because I was too broken or I had done too many bad things. Thats so false. I felt like God didn't really love me. That's false. I think of the song How Can It Be by Lauren Daigle when I think of my story. I love my new life and I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me. Never think God can't use you. Because he will. Love, Abbi (and Corbin)

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