Fear is a Liar
This phrase has become my mantra of late. I have spent a lot of time living in fear of so many things. Fear has told me that I am not good enough. That I can’t be successful. That I am not a good wife or mother. That God can’t use me. Yet, I am learning, I am enough. I am successful. I have a husband that loves me no matter what. That my kids think I am the best mommy ever. That if I am obedient, God will use me in ways I never thought possible!
My journey started when I was just 7 years old. Like most kids that grew up in a Christian home, I went to church several times a week and was involved in every activity and group. At 7, I realized that something was missing in my life. That, this Jesus we had been learning about wanted to be my friend. I asked Jesus into my heart and my life changed forever. As life went on, my relationship with Jesus ebbed and flowed with each new phase of life. At times I was close to Him, reading my bible, praying and telling others about Jesus. Then other times I wandered away. I allowed a great loss in my life to change the relationship I had with Jesus. I distanced myself, participated in church only to keep up appearances and put Jesus on the back burner. I let fear and anxiety take hold and shape the relationships in my life, including my relationship with Jesus. Although I was going to church for the wrong reasons, God was able to use that as a time to speak to my heart. Through the relationships that I pushed away from came healing and restoration. Slowly, I began to let go of my anxiety and fear. I let God transform my life again. Daily choosing to follow Him! It is not an easy road and there are times where I let fear sneak back in and steal my joy. But God is faithful.
A few years ago, my husband, Ryan and I decided that I would go back to work part-time and still be able to spend time at home with our little guy. Through a series of connections, I started work at a church with close ties to my home church. Working in ministry can be so rewarding, it can also be very hard. During my time at this church, I was able to learn about a missions organization that serves the poor in Nicaragua and Haiti. I started to fall in love with what God was doing in the hearts of the people in these countries. Watching the teams go and serve and love on these people. So I jumped in. If there was a way to help, I helped. Then it came time to go and that fear came back in and robbed me of an opportunity to serve. Our kids are so little, we both can’t leave the country, that’s so much money, and so on…The plan then changed to Ryan going with the team from church. After a series of unfortunate events during the summer those plans also changed, but Ryan’s desire to go did not. As I was telling our pastor that he wouldn’t be able to go this year, he told me, “If God wants him to go, he will go.” Fast forward a few months, less than 2 weeks before he was supposed to go. We get a call, “if your trip is paid for, could you go?” Ok, God, I see you. Fear back off. We talked about it, decided that if his boss would give him the time off, with or without pay, he would go, trusting that God would work out the details. He is so faithful. Ryan was given the time off without pay and then worked exactly 40 hours overtime that week. Oh, did I mention that we didn’t get his passport back in the summer when he first decided to go? Yeah, we found out that you can get a passport in 3 days. It costs a lot of money, but it can be done. As our story spread, we had amazing friends come along side us and donate towards the fees to get his passport. He was going. God wanted him to go. It would have been easy to let fear win and talk him out of going. Trusting that this was good and that God was good and that God was in control, was huge. Fear was not going to win this time.
Our passion for this ministry grew with each encounter. I have watched this ministry grow and continue to spread the Gospel to the lost. God continued to plant seeds in my heart for this ministry. But I allowed fear to keep me in my seat. “What you want me to do, God, has too many details to work out.” “I might hurt relationships.” “What if I am not replaceable?” When you are obedient to what God is calling you to do, He will be faithful with all of the details. I quit my job at the church, they found someone to take my place. I spent the summer making memories with my husband and children, we might need a vacation from this vacation. I have worked from home on my small business, never pushing for orders but always having more than I can get done. And now, I get to start pursuing God’s calling to serve in ministry with Project HOPE. He is faithful. His timing is perfect. Fear is a liar.
If fear is lying to you, allowing you to miss out on God’s perfect plan for your life, remember He is good all the time, all the time He is good. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or just want to chat about overcoming the fear in your life.
Check out Zach Williams song, “Fear is a Liar”