Cynthia K.

from GA
Story #684
As a child, I made my first communion at St. Joseph's Catholic Church in Amesbury, Massachusetts.  I remember vividly what happened after the ceremony that day. I asked to go back inside the church, found the statue of Jesus in the little alcove, and just stood there at Jesus's Feet, telling God how much I loved him with tears flowing down my face. I knew He died for me, rose from the dead, and was the reason I would spend eternity with Him in heaven. I knew He was God, and there was no other God but Him. That memory of those few moments has never left me.

Then I did life for 40+ years. Many times I would open my Bible and read. Sometimes looking for a specific topic like "what does the Bible say about divorce" for example. Or other times, I would just open it frantically and start reading, hoping to learn something that would change my life at that crucial moment. During those years, I had many "religious experiences." At one point, I even covered my head to pray, stopped wearing makeup, only wore long dresses or skirts, and continuously tried to be a better person hoping God might "finally" hear me and answer my desperate pleas.

Those years are full of my testimony to how shipwrecked I was. Several marriages and divorces, abortions, alcohol and drug use, lies and bitterness. There's genuinely not one sin I didn't do or could have committed. Oddly if someone had asked me if I thought I was a good person during those years, I would have categorically said "yes absolutely!" or if you'd ask one of my friends, they'd probably have said, "Cynthia is an amazing mom and a great person." I would have agreed. But in reality, I did my life without faith in God. In all the desperate moments, I would cry out to God, "Oh God, please help me!" I didn't have a relationship with Christ that glorified my Savior. I simply employed God when I needed to get out of a situation I'd created.

A few years ago, I was utterly shipwrecked. Councilors and doctors were not capable of giving me the answers I needed. Life was at a point where I could not bear- no control over my kids, my marriage, my employment -everything was out of control.

Then I started going to church again. The very first time I heard my pastor preach, my heart was pierced. The words he said, convicted me immediately. I felt so broken and dirty. It was almost like he knew what I had done, and everything he was saying was directed at me. I couldn't ignore what God was saying to my heart. The words in the Bible began to come alive for me, and I saw myself through my Heavenly Father's words.

Then one day in October, I finally found myself on my knees alone and sobbing. This time it was just God and me. I was reminded of all the things I had done that nobody knew. I had justified myself in so many ways for so long, thinking I was right, and the blame for my sadness and failures was not mine. But this time was different. I confessed it all to God.

There were things God revealed to me that I had forgotten entirely. This time I didn't have anyone or anything else to blame- this time, I was really sorry. Then at that moment, I felt God take my burden away. I sobbed for what seemed to be hours. God reminded me of so many times in my life where He has carried me through, and I knew without a doubt at that moment He had never left me. His faithfulness is so real and perfect.

Now I know what joy truly is, and my life is full of joy because of what Jesus Christ has done for me. He took all my sin, and He is the only way that I could be free from that burden.

I was shipwrecked for a long time, and the day I walked through that door all by myself and knelt in front of my Heavenly Father with a repentant heart, He pulled me from that wreckage. It's awesome! Jesus can do for you what He did for me. 

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