I was raised in a Christian home, my parents are Christians, along with my siblings, so I would call myself a Christian, too. I would say I believed in Jesus and His death on the cross, but I didn't fully understand why Jesus died or what it meant. My family went to church every Sunday, I was young and didn't pay attention to the sermons. I had heard the Gospel a million times, but it would just go in one ear and out the other. I wanted to be a Christian; I called myself a Christian, but deep down, I knew that I wasn't. I was terrified of death and hell, so I would try not to think about it, but I wanted so badly to be saved and have certainty. My two older siblings were baptized around the age of 10, and when I was about that age, I thought I should be baptized, and maybe after I'm baptized, I'll feel different, feel saved. Before I was baptized, I talked to a pastor about it. I didn't know if I was certain, but I figured the pastor would be able to tell if I was saved. I was relying on him to make sure I was saved. I remember the night before my baptism, I was supposed to write my testimony, but I had no idea what to write. I remember writing a few sentences about Jesus dying for my sins. I was baptized; I didn't even pray a prayer for salvation, and afterward, I was so upset I felt exactly the same. I didn't feel changed or certain; I was still scared of death and eternity. But I brushed it off and tried to forget it because it was stressful and scary.
Fast forward to the Easter season of 2023. I had heard the Gospel many times before, but it truly sunk in. I finally understood why Jesus died for my sins and the sins of others. Because God is a just God, someone worthy, someone perfect, must pay the price for our sins. It's a price we cannot pay, but God loves us so much He sent His one and only Son to die for our sins, to take our punishment. Jesus endured it all for us so we can be with Him. He is our connection to God, the only way we can be connected to God. Because God is Holy and righteous, He refuses to be in the presence of sin, and Jesus washed our sins away, He makes us new so we can no longer be separated from God but have eternal unity with Him! I finally realized that I was dead in my sins and that I needed a Savior to rescue me. The Gospel finally sunk in. But I didn't know what to do with it, so I started reading my Bible every day, but as I read through it, I got confused and had doubts. I also realized that I wasn't saved, but I wanted to understand what it looked like to take those steps to be saved. But I was also doubting, wondering if any of it was true. Since I was going through this process and finally understanding the Gospel, the devil was on the prowl; he was putting those doubts in my head, he wanted to keep me, he didn't want me to be saved. Because once you are saved, you are sealed, and you can't lose your salvation, so the devil was hard at work trying to keep me from God because once I'm saved, I'm secure. During this time, I also experienced what it was truly like to pray a real prayer. My prayers had always been empty and felt fake, but I finally talked to God, trying to figure everything out. It was different, but it was good, and God was truly working in my life. Eventually, I emailed a pastor at my church, telling him everything I was going through, my doubts, and questions, and he suggested we meet in person, but I didn't want to because that meant I would have to tell my parents everything. One night, my parents were in their room, their door wide open I heard them talking, and I knew it was the perfect opportunity to go talk to them. But I was scared, scared to tell them that I was uncertain of my salvation, scared of what they might think. I had no reason to be scared; they were always encouraging and open. I mustered the courage to talk to them, and as soon as I walked in before I could even get a word out, I started crying. I told them about my doubts and how I didn't know if I was saved. It was hard but relieving once it was done. And they listened and talked with me. Then I met with a pastor from my church, asking him questions and explaining my doubts, but my biggest question was, "How do I know if I'm saved?" The pastor was helpful, but I was still unsure of everything. Throughout all of this, I remember clinging to the song "Goodness of God." It helped me remember and reflect on God's goodness even amidst my doubts. Finally, one day, I remember watching a Christian YouTuber, and she mentioned the sinner's prayer. So I looked it up and saw that it's what someone prays when they accept Jesus into their life and are saved. I was in a small nook space in my bedroom I had turned into my prayer corner. I got on my knees and called on the name of Jesus. I acknowledged that I was a sinner, I told Jesus that I believed in His death on the cross for my sins, I asked for forgiveness, I invited Jesus into my life, asking Him to come in and make me new, I gave my life to Jesus confessing Him as my Lord and Savior, and I thanked Him for His salvation. I was saved! I was also going to the youth group at my church during this time, which truly helped. And after I was saved, youth group has helped me so much in growing in my faith and learning more about God. It is truly helpful and important to be discipled and have others pouring into you and helping you grow closer to God.
I continued to grow in my faith, and God taught me a lot as I was discipled through Bible Study, youth group, Sunday school, sermons, podcasts, books, and devotionals. Being surrounded by fellow believers and filling my mind with God-centered things truly grew me in my walk with God. I was building a relationship with God and still am today. The following February, after I was saved, February 3, 2024, I was baptized. I had given thought and considered being baptized, but I didn't know if it was necessary. My family went to the Saturday night service at our church, and they were doing a service they do once a year, spontaneous baptisms. First, the pastor preached on the importance of baptism. It isn't what saves you, but it's showing your obedience to Christ. After you are saved, being baptized is the first commandment from God, before we're even commanded to share the Gospel we're commanded to get baptized. If you don't obey God's commandment, then He isn't your Lord. I remember the Pastor saying all of these things, and I was very convicted. But I came up with excuses of why today wasn't the day to be baptized. Then the pastor said that the devil will be putting excuses in your head because he doesn't want you to obey God. That's when I knew I needed to be baptized; I wanted to obey Jesus as my Lord. They did an altar call for anyone who wanted to be baptized to come forward. I was nervous about what would be thought of me, but I still walked the aisle and told them I wanted to be baptized. I shared my testimony with a volunteer, tears streamed down my face, and I was overwhelmed with emotion. And she told me the angels in heaven are singing. Then, I was baptized. On the car ride home, I wasn't even nervous to talk to my family but excited. That night as I reflected on everything and prayed, I was filled with peace. Unexplainable overwhelming peace. I obeyed Jesus and I was at peace with Him. It was an incredible feeling, the best day of my life.
I've continued to grow in my relationship with God, of course, there have been trials, and I'm not perfect. But I haven't regretted it for one second. My life has been changed. I'm different; I'm made new. I have certainty that I get to spend eternity with God in heaven forever. I know my name is in the Lamb's Book of Life. I have certainty. God has grown me so much, I've led Bible studies, I truly enjoy listening to sermons, I go evangelizing once a week, and to me, no music compares to worship songs! God has truly changed me. The process of sanctification is beautiful. Jesus changed my life, and I can't wait to see the work He'll continue to do in me. Hallelujah!
